Tree vs. Garden

Life is whirlwind.

There are days I want to go back to being a careless, Barbie-loving, eight-year-old girl, and there are days I can't wait to be a still-cool, seasoned, forty-eight-year-old wife and mom. Times when I wouldn't want to be anywhere but where I am now, and times when I'd like to be anywhere but where I am now. Moments when I dream of living in far away, foreign land, traveling my life away and having stories people only hear of in movies, and moments when an old farm house back in the woods with acres of land occupied by corn, beans and cows is all I want.

Some people grow up with dreams embedded in them, like a tree they planted in their heart back in elementary school or maybe even before. Every big decision was made with that tree in mind, thinking the best way to care and nurture it. As they grow and mature, the tree grows and matures. It only strengthens its roots during the droughts and famines. (It is people with dreams like that, that I envy.) But it's during the tough times, the storms of life, that determine how strong the tree is...or is it how much the person really wants that tree? Regardless, there are some that give up on their tree, letting the winds and roars of reality uproot as if it were only sitting on the surface. Of course it hurts, but sometimes life does hurt. Those people who let their dream go are left to find a new one, and then work over-time to make it grow as much as their last one, pouring hours into growth and development. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes they have to start all over again.

Then there are the other type of people; MY type of people. Instead of planting a tree in elementary school, we chose to plant a garden. Why only plant a tree when you can plant an infinite amount of flowers or vegetables? That way if one doesn't turn out, then there are back-ups, plan Bs. And after all, most flowers and veggies aren't rooted all that deep in the soil, so it doesn't hurt if one has to be uprooted. For better or worse, my garden has served me well thus far; however, I think things are changing. I don't have a favorite plant. I don't know how to pick one to stick with. I'm not clinging to anything specific. I don't have one solid, deep-rooted dream, and the worst part is I don't know what to do about it.

So for now, I wait. Wait in the uncertainty of what is next, the confusion of why a garden and not a tree and the peace that it will all work out.