Am I a quitter?

I'm doing some massive organizing in my room. Because I'm living at home now, something I haven't done since I graduated high school, I have to fit a lot of stuff into one room. I decided to view this as an opportunity to get very organized with all of my things, instead of just my college things.

As I was going through past journals and old devotionals, I noticed how I never followed through with anything. The earliest diary I found was from July of 1996. My first entry says this:

Sunday, 7-7-96
I got this diary yesterday. I was glad I got a nice diary for my birthday. But my birthday is Wednesday July 10. I will be 10. Well I better go.
Your friend,
Emilee Shake

And that was the only time I wrote in it. That's it. I found about four different teen devotional books that had the first chapter completed and the rest blank.

This is really starting to bother me. Am I a quitter? Do I ever follow through with things?

I never read a book cover to cover. I read about the first 1/3 then put it down or skip around throughout the rest of it. I learned to play the guitar, but just good enough to lead worship. Then I stopped practicing or trying to get better. I decided I wanted to try to sell on eBay some of the photographs I've taken, so I bought the frames and enlarged the pictures. They're sitting in my room pictures in frames, where they have been for a few months. I don't even have an eBay account set up yet.

I am quite troubled by this. I really need to work on seeing things through to completion.

What I live for...

Two weeks ago I went to Terrazas, Mexico.

It wasn't for the first time. I've actually been several times; just not in the last three years. I must say, never again will I let that much time lapse before I return.

There are three churches in Mexico that participate in Christmas party. Individuals from the states go to Terrazas in the fall and take photographs of children in the area who plan to attend the party. They write down the clothing/shoe sizes of the children and an item they wants. The people who do that are typically from a church in the Phoenix area, though my mother has gone in previous years. They then send the photo and information to their church in Phoenix and my church in Plainville, Ind.

That may seem random — Arizona and Indiana, but there is a connection. The mission organization is called Cristo Vive (Christ Lives) and was started by two families in Phoenix, cousins of individuals in Plainville. That's how my church got involved many years ago.

The first time I went to Terrazas was July 2001, a week and a half after returning from a two-week mission trip in Haiti. Strangely, at the time, I thought I'd return to Haiti before Mexico. However, that hasn't been the case. Through several trips to Terrazas, I've built relationships with the individuals at the church there, and they've taught me so much. (I'll talk more about this in later posts: a true, genuine friendship that transcends a language barrier.)

But upon my return, I showed someone in the newsroom this video. Without thinking, I heard myself say,

"I love it. This, this is what I live for."

I paused after that and thought about what I'd just said. I live to worship the Lord. And what was going on was an act of worship, so I didn't find anything wrong about that statement. It just resounded in my heart because, like most people, I'm searching for my place, my calling, my spot in the world.

Christians are called to advance the Kingdom of God. I've had this vision in my head that I must do something huge. Something that would require some radical obedience, making everyone think I'm crazy.

But there I was, a Smalltown, Ind. newspaper journalist in Mexico doing something that I so freely said I live for. It was confirmed at that moment something God had been trying to tell me. My job doesn't have to be my calling. It could be the activities outside of the job that prove the most worthwhile. (Stay posted for more on this thought.)

My ultimate desire is to honor God with my life. That's what I live for, and I won't be mad if Terrazas continues to be a part of that. :)

Random writing

At work tonight, I couldn't concentrate on the story I was writing. For some reason my mind kept wondering. I remembered an exercise a professor in college made the class do once: just type whatever comes to your mind. So that's what I did.

I just started typing every thought, and of course, it was crazy how one thought led to another. First I was typing about how I didn't know what to write about, then I was writing about a three hour long meeting I was in earlier that day, then I overheard someone mention free wifi. Eventually, I ended my 14-inch random writing with writing about the power of words.

All of that led me to thinking about how much I enjoy blogging, but I rarely do. So I injected my blog with some botox — gave it a little color to make it look younger, and I'm now ready to become a faithful blogger.

We'll see what happens.